DE-liveforgod.blogspot.com: A year of Sabbath

Monday, April 21, 2008

You of Little Faith, Why Did You Doubt?

[Now I know why ppl say lawyers are bloodsuckers, just look at how much we resemble vampire bats.]

What do you want to be when you grow up?

At 8 I wanted to be a lawyer. I was largely motivated by the then ongoing drama serial that had this pretty actress in a pantsuit arguing her case in dramatic (come to think of it, OVERDRAMATIC) fashion.

I wanted to be just like her. The fashion (Okay maybe not, we know the 90s is DEAD), the confidence, the click of her shoes when she walked, or rather strutted around cross-examining hapless witnesses…

That could be me.

Now 12 years on, I’m close to finishing my first year in Law School and I guess I should be happy. Truth be told, I have never felt so disoriented in my entire life.

3 more years to graduation, and then what?

Who will want to be my client?

I look like a kid, I am unfortunately vertically challenge and female (not that that is unfortunate, but.)

Will I make it big?

Wait, hold it, will I EVEN make it?

My limitations, my weaknesses, why did I not see them before?

How dare I even think, even presume that I could do this?

What was once confidence, I now see as delusion.

I have been struggling with this for quite a bit now. I have also started mapping out alternative career paths, just in case. Maybe I should start some Aunt Agony column and just to personalise it call it Chaperon Chiang or something since everyone seems to think I am the go-to-person for emotional waste disposal. I just could not see any good coming out from my stint at law school.

Until yesterday when I read Matthew 14 and sobbed when Matthew recounted Jesus’ feeding of the 5000. I have read this passage a million times, so to speak, but never has it spoken to me like that. 5 loaves of and 2 fish and 5000 men, BESIDES women and children and somehow those tummies were satiated. Beats me. It’s a miracle. It just speaks of how God can turn your LIMITATIONS into the LIMITLESS.

I have been so overawed by my limitations that I forgot about my limitless God.

I am sure many of you feel or have felt the way I do, we all feel not up to par sometimes, especially in Singapore where whatever you can do, there always springs up somebody who can do it better.

Sometimes you feel as if you’re drowning. (Matthew 14: 30) But know that Jesus is there to reach out his hand to pick you up and catch you (Matthew 14:31)

You of little faith, why did you doubt?

Remember that you can walk on water if you believe.

I still cannot see myself succeeding in that dog-eat-dog world.

But I believe.

I will see it and I have the will to see it.

Keep holding on,
Krystle

Monday, April 21, 2008

You of Little Faith, Why Did You Doubt?

January - Candy Loke

Candy is currently the eldest daughter among Pastor Evelyn's 12; she is born on 9th October 1981 and she gave her life to Christ in 1997. de-liveforgod.blogspot.com had an opportunity to speak with her recently.

De-LFG: Hi Candy, congratulations on being the first leader to be interviewed in our tribe blog.

Candy: Hey Hi! Ha-ha. Ya, I'm so excited for this interview. Let's get started.

De-LFG: Well, we know that you're in the dance ministry, care to share any interesting experiences you have encountered while serving?

Candy: I've been serving in the dance ministry for more than 1 year now. I don’t think I can point out any interesting experience as each time we serve, it’s a new experience. I can only say that serving in dance has enriched my life. Being on stage for God, we struggle with being self-conscious, however, I have learnt to surrender it to God before going on stage. Each time I serve, I would commit it to the Lord, because He is the reason I can stand before the congregation. In the first few months of serving, it required a lot of commitment and my open cell nearly fell apart. Between being a dancer and being a disciple maker, I made a tough decision to take a break from dance temporarily. It was tough because I really enjoyed serving in dance. But I want to give thanks that my open cell has stabilized and have 9 regular girls.

Candy answering the call of the Lord, serving in the Dance Ministry

De-LFG: Wow, you seem to have gone through a tough time while serving in the Dance Ministry but Praise the Lord that you pulled through. Was it tough when you first decided to accept Christ?

Candy: I have to say… Yes, indeed it has been quite a struggle. I was raised in a Buddhist family; my grandparents and extended family were staunch Buddhists. However, I studied in a Christian missionary school. Back then, during sec 3 towards the end of year, I fell seriously sick and I thought that I would die. There was a great fear for death, and I decided to give Christ a try. As I was still young, I dared not let my parents know. As I grew older and lived out my life as a testimony, I shared with my parents about my conversion. Thankfully, my parents did not have much objection about it as they trusted in my decisions.

Candy with her father and brother

De-LFG: Wow, I believe that is also what many of the younger ones would like from their parents now, to have no objection from their parents in their decision to follow God. And, I'm sure your story would encourage many more to be open to their parents. Next, how has your life or even yourself changed after knowing the Lord?

Candy: Hmm... I would say before knowing the Lord, I had quite an unbalanced self-esteem. There were things which I had much confidence in doing and things which I feel uncertain about my capabilities in fulfilling. But it’s after knowing Christ that I had a secured self-esteem. I started having more and more confidence in doing things which I never thought I could..

De-LFG: What do you think happened that prompted that change in you?

Candy: I guess it’s just a change of my own mindset. To have the simple faith to believe that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

De-LFG: That's a great testimonial! As the eldest girl under Pastor Evelyn's 12, do you think age matters?

Candy: Hmm… I would like to say both Yes and No. Yes, because my age gives me the advantage of having more life experiences and equipped with more skills learnt. In other words, I have a better foundation. But no. Pastor Evelyn believes in the potential in youths. Youth is the best season of one’s life and we should give our best time of our lives to Him! I share the same conviction and want God to us my life to impact the Youths to live for Him.

De-LFG: Then, as one of the 12 under Pastor Evelyn, are there heavier responsibilities?

Candy: Actually I do not see my responsibilities as “responsibilities” but rather as a service to God. Along the way of serving, there are many struggles with these “responsibilities” but thank God, some of these struggles are now shared among the other sisters in Pastor Evelyn’s 12. Haha.

De-LFG: Haha, indeed, sharing our struggles with others is important in this family. Lastly, in this New Year, share with us some of your goals you have set.

Candy: I have quite a few goals which I have set for myself in this New Year.

Firstly, disciple-making. The Lord has blessed me with the 10 girls I have with me now and I’m really thankful.

Secondly, to breakthrough in worship. I hope to improve in my dancing skills and am currently taking a guitar course to improve and further engage my girls in worship.

Thirdly, in the area of my family. I want to be bold in sharing the gospel with them. To believe that they would be won for Christ!

While receiving the spirit of behind the year of victory, God wants me to trust in Him that He would work in the mentioned goals that I have.

Candy and her brother

De-LFG: Candy, thanks for sharing your life with us. I had a great time chatting with you and I believe there will be many more breakthroughs in your walk with God, your ministry and your family in 2007.

Editor’s Note: Isn’t it wonderful to know we have an elder sister like Candy, someone who is always willing to love and care for us? Even as she has shared her dreams for 2007, let’s continue to pray for her that God will bless her to grow deeper as a spiritual mother and to see breakthroughs in her family!

Interviewed by: Bjorn Liu
Edited by: Diana Yak

February - Shi Xiong

Amidst his busy schedule of dancing on stage for youth service, jetting around Asia for work, managing his technicians and making interesting discoveries in the toilets of Japan, de-liveforgod.blogspot.com managed to catch up with Shi Xiong, who is our featured G12 Leader of the month for February.

De-LFG: Hi Shi Xiong, thanks for taking time out to speak with us. To start off, we have noticed that there are very few guys in the dance ministry. What made you want to join the dance ministry?

Shi Xiong: Hahaha. Honestly, I don’t know. Well I can only think back to the time where our cluster was planning for the Friendship Special event in 2006, where I am part of the logistic team. Yao Han and I decided to fool around and join in to learn the dance item (Tell The World) when the dancers were rehearsing their dance steps. Pastor Lai Fun saw us and jokingly asked if I wanted to join the dance ministry. She asked again during the actual FS event and also at the G12 Conference. I just laughed it off every time.

However, in a later event, Pastor Roland shared to the leaders during one of RL288 meetings about remaking ourselves to make us relevant to the youth. Thus, I decided to join dance to remake myself! When I told Danny and D12 brothers, they were all shocked!

The look on Danny’s face, when I told him about the possibility of joining youth dance, was priceless.

Xiong displaying his patenal instincts
After 1 month of practice, I was scheduled to “serve” in the youth worship service. When the doors open for the congregation, and I saw the horde of youths running into the Hall, I asked God “Is there anyway I can get out of this?!” God answered me, “Son, just having you here pleases me” and my reply to Him was “Father, I don’t know why I am here, but if it pleases you, I will do it (dance)!” Along this journey of growing, many brothers and sisters have affirmed me and I greatly appreciated it.

I also came to realize that joining dance has been a blessing to my life.

De-LFG: Bro, it really is amazing to see how God has remade you! Is the dance training tough? What are some challenges that you face?

Shi Xiong: Firstly, there aren’t many guys in the dance ministry (5 fingers can count) plus dance is perceived as a “girl” thing. Nothing is farther from the truth! I have learned that if King David has danced before the Lord, why can’t man like me do it? Secondly, I don’t have any dancing background with no basis. So I got to start from the bottom up. I had to put down the self-consciousness when I dance, so that’s another mental hurdle I got to climb over. Only when I put down that part of myself, then is really the time I enter into worship through dance, which is giving worth to God.

De-LFG: As you were sharing, I can really see God teaching and growing you in many ways. I also feel that without a teachable heart, God wouldn’t have been able to mould you. Moving on, how did you accept Jesus into your life?

Shi Xiong: Being in a missions school during the secondary school days (St Andrews’) gave me a glimpse into who Jesus really is. I said the sinners’ prayer during Sec 2, but wasn’t attending any church. The real breakthrough came during sec 4 when my parents were filing for a divorce.

It was a pretty messy separation, with courtroom wars, lawyers and everything. So by the time, it ended, I was torn up emotionally. When I was in the 1st 3 months of JC (Serangoon JC), I became a reclusive guy who was carrying many wounds in his heart.

Xiong and his internationl ministry guys
My secondary school buddy, who went to SRJC with me and a non-believer, saw that I was suffering inside, wanted to help take my mind of things, asked me if I would accompany him to look for and join a guitar club during CCA open house day.

There was actually no such CCA club then in SRJC, but we didn’t know. We found this group of students in the canteen laughing and talking, and one of them was holding a guitar. So we approached them and asked if they were members of the guitar club. They initially looked stun, but one of them brought out a paper and asked me to write my name and contact number on it, and would invite us when there are “practice sessions”. Why I didn’t notice the sheepish smile on his smile still bugs me this day.

Anyway, the 1st practice session turns out to a cell meeting at a pastor’s house near SRJC. Hahaha my friend was quite cheesed about being “cheated”, but I thought there was something different about the people in that group. I went back the following week to attend their cell meetings, and in that meeting, I shared about my family and broke down horribly. Hahaha From that day marks the beginning of the journey of healing and growing in faith as a child of God.

Xiong and his cheeky bros
De-LFG: How has the Lord worked through your life since that day?

Shi Xiong: Going deep in His word, simply loving His word, and to receive wisdom through the Holy Spirit to see His truth.

De-LFG: We know that you’re a working adult, how do you balance your time between work and serving God?

Shi Xiong: Discipline and time management I believe that we need to settle in our heart what our priorities are. It’s like the story about trying to fit all the blocks and sand into a small jar. The jar represents our capacity in terms of time and abilities. What we put into the jar represents whatever things that we deem as important for us to have in our life. The blocks represent our priorities while the sand is the other “smaller” things in life. We definitely cannot fit all the blocks into the jar, even though all the blocks might seem good to have. That’s when we need to decide and select which blocks are more important than others. When you have selected your blocks (life priorities), you place them in the jar. Then you fill up the remaining space with sand (lesser priority items). Because the sand is lesser priority, you wouldn’t lose sleep if you can’t fit a bucket of sand into the jar, because you already have all the “important” blocks in place.

Xiong letting loose
De-LFG: We understand that your ministry is extraordinary because your focus if in the international students. Can you share with us some of the challenges of this ministry?

Shi Xiong: Apart from bridging the relationship with the boys, I also need to do an additional cross-cultural bridge. Being foreign students, they have many events and activities (School work and events, Multiple CCAs, MOE bridging activities, outings with their own friends) that occupy their time. The challenge for me is to make God relevant to them and maintain a voice in their life. We also don’t want to be a ministry that fights for their time but rather, a ministry that co-exists with their activities (To complement rather than compete). At the end of the day, we just want to love them with no strings attached.

De-LFG: It really sounds like a challenging ministry. Apart from building relationship, you also have to close the cultural gap. This is the year of victory. What are the areas in your life or ministry that you are asking God for victory in?

Shi Xiong: Firstly, my vision for the international students ministry is to see the people loving God with all their heart, with all their soul, with all their strength and to love their neighbours as themselves. Secondly, my dream is to be able to engage the people in a more interpersonal way that will allow us to grow deep together in our relationship with God.

De-LFG: Bro, it has been a great time for me personally to hear you share so passionately about life and God. Thanks for taking time out and we wish you all the best in your work, ministry and family!

Xiong being expressive
Editor’s Note: It really is amazing to see God working so much in a man. As Shi Xiong perseveres on in His ministry, let us be encouraged that God is able to do great things in our life if we allow Him to.

Interviewed by Diana Yak Edited by Terry Lim

March - Suang

For the month of March, de-liveforgod.blogspot.com managed to get up close with our Indonesian G12 Leader, Suanggita Emerlin! In spite of being far away from her homeland and her family, we can see how amazingly Suang has adapted into this spiritual family and even being able to be a spiritual mother to her daughters. So let’s hear what she has to say.

De-LFG: Hi Suang, Firstly congrats on your “A” level results! Praise God! We knew that you’ve done very well scoring 3 As! So share with us, what’s the road ahead for you after your “A” levels?

Suang: Hi. Indeed, Praise the Lord for my “A” level result! Well, actually I have in mind to get a scholarship in University.

De-LFG: Oh, what course are you planning to get into then?

Suang: I have in mind to major in “Finance”. But I’m not very sure if I’ll make it due to some of the requirements required in University.

De-LFG: Don’t worry! I believe the Lord will work through that with you. Anyway, is it difficult being an international student in Singapore? What are some of the challenges that you face?

Suang: Amen! Oh, Of course! One difficulty is that I’m all alone here and separated from my family back in Indonesia. Though I have my spiritual family here who supports me along the way but they can’t always be there for me 24/7. So this struggle is only solved when I really trust God to be always by my side. Secondly is the difficulty in adapting into a totally different lifestyle. Back home, the surrounding is less hectic and challenging. It can be quite stressful studying here in Singapore. The stresses that are implied on me are the requirements of school life and definitely meeting my parents’ expectations.

De-LFG: Wow! That’s indeed something that most kids here in Singapore don’t face. Did this cause your hunger for the Lord to deepen even more, right?

Suang: Yes, indeed!

De-LFG: Cool! Suang, most of your spiritual daughters are scholars, what are the challenges you face as their spiritual mother?

Suang: As a spiritual mother of scholars, one good trouble is that they are all very intelligent and have very strong characteristics and principles. So when sharing and explaining to them about the works of God can be rather challenging because everything has to be done with a lot of reasoning. Also, other than being busy with my school work and friends, I have to be there for my girls who are just like me, alone here in Singapore.

De-LFG: We know it is not easy to be a spiritual mother but you’ve managed to cope together being an international student. It’s really amazing. How did you manage to do it?

Suang: It wasn’t always a smooth road to journey through. There has been many times when I had wanted to give up but it’s truly by the grace of God that motivated me to move on. Thank God for the many supports and encouragements from my spiritual family and many others too!

De-LFG: We heard that you’re also a part of YouthNet’s Ministry Team. What are the things you guys do in the ministry team?

Suang: Well, mainly, we do inner healing, to help those in need to be set free and which in a sense to be “God in skin”.

De-LFG: Wow! So how has your spiritual family supported you through this journey?

Suang: My spiritual sisters are always there to pray for me, to share and walk through this journey. Especially Pastor Evelyn, she seems like my real mother to me. She is so filled of compassion, grace and love for me and really feels for how I may feel. Her concerns for me has transformed and molded me into who I am today. Not forgetting Pastor Danny for being like a father. He has shown me a new way of looking at my physical father back home. Before this, my relationship with my dad wasn’t very close. But now, I feel a special bond with my dad than before.

De-LFG: Amen! That’s wonderful to hear your relationship with your father back in Indonesia has moved to a closer relationship than before. I believe the Lord will use you as a good vessel to your family back home!

Editor’s Note: Isn’t it amazing to see how the Lord has worked through in Suang’s life here in Singapore? I BELIEVE Suang will use the love she received from God to work in and speak to her daughters even more. So let’s spend a minute to pray for our sister, Suang, that the Lord will use her strongly as a good spiritual mother to her daughters and also to pray that the Lord will show her the path that He has plan for her. Amen!

Interview by: Bjorn Liu
Edited by: Diana Yak

April - Lionel

For the month of April, de-liveforgod.blogspot.com has managed to have an e-mail interview with the eldest son of Pastor Danny, Lionel Chan! Being the eldest but yet having a youthful heart, Lionel shared with us how his life has transformed and even as a spiritual father to his young boys in DE Tribe. So let’s hear what he has to share with us.

De-LFG: Hi Lionel, we’re thankful that you managed to have time out to do this interview through email. How’s your throat and stomach flu? Feeling better?

Lionel: ROAR! Ha-ha, I’m sorry I couldn’t have a close-up interview with you. Yes, I’m feeling much better, and though still feeling very sick (at the time of interview), I caught back the lesson taught many times which was “When we come to the end of ourselves, that’s when God can begin.” PTL!

De-LFG: PTL! Keep on fighting, Lionel. We heard that you’re a school counselor, tell us more!

Lionel: Ha-ha, I think many students are afraid of being called up to see the school counselor, right? Well, basically, my job is to talk to students in emotional distress, help students explore options when making decisions and help to iron out adolescence issue. To be a school counselor is not easy, having to talk to teenagers especially. But I believe this is what God set me to be in, to speak to young people through the word of God.

De-LFG: He-he, yes, I’m also afraid when my teacher asked me to see my school counselor for advices in the past. Well, Lionel, as a spiritual father, what do you see as a crucial necessity in the heart of a father?

Lionel: For me, I see the need of openness to God for Him to deposit all that of a father into me so that with it, I can model for my sons on how to be a father.

De-LFG: Amen! Short and simple yet true, Lionel. I believe your spiritual sons will feel your heartbeat. Anyway, your cell group is made up of the younger boys in DE tribe, what do you think is the most challenging part in disciplining them?

Lionel: Having the younger boys to discipline is a challenge to me. Being young once too (Ha-ha), I understand the many distractions that they will have in their lives. So the most challenging part for me is to teach them the proper way to worship and even spend time with God.

De-LFG: Press on this challenge, Lionel. I believe the Lord will use you to mould your sons each day to live more like Christ! Despite these challenges, you surely have many memorable events that you experienced with your sons? Share with us one of them?

Lionel: Yes, of course, there are many times when my sons touch my heart deeply. But there is one incident which I thank God greatly for, one of my sons rebelled against God but later returned back! PTL! It was through God’s grace that the lost sheep returned back.

De-LFG: PTL! I can sense that when that son returned to God and even to you, his spiritual father, he will continue to stand firm. You’ve been a believer for many years, how did you manage to sustain that relationship with God?

Lionel: Short and sweet, Remembering the basics: “That God loves me and that He’s alive.”

De-LFG: Yes, Jesus loves us for the Bible tells us so! How do you see your role as the eldest son and eldest brother in DE tribe?

Lionel: As the eldest son, my role would be to watch Pastor Danny’s back and as the eldest brother, to rally my brothers.

Editor’s Note: I BELIEVE all of us are grateful to have a BIG brother like Lionel with us. As you read this. let’s spend a minute to pray for our brother Lionel, that the Lord will continue to use him to bring the lost sheep back to God and use him mightily as a spiritual father to his sons that their relationship will continue to grow closer each day. Lionel, ROAR for God! Amen! Interview by: Bjorn Liu Edited by: Diana Yak

May - Benita

For the month of May, we managed to catch Benita Lee to share with us a little on her life on de-liveforgod.blogspot.com. Benita is currently studying in the States and is now back in Singapore during her summer break. Despite struggling within herself to go overseas to study, she still chose to obey god’s calling for her. Be encouraged as you hear her share a little on her life.

De-LFG: Hi Benita! Welcome back to Singapore, it must feel good to be back here with all of us again. I heard that you are studying in Taylor University located in Indiana, USA. Can you describe Indiana to us in 5 words?

Butt: The place is cold and ulu yet exciting and the people there are very warm and friendly.

Butt and her classmates

De-LFG: How different is your school from conventional schools?

Butt: It’s a Christian school with courses in Christian education where you learn to become a pastor. You can major in biblical literature and such. The school is well-known for its community and the people here are friendlier. There are people who say hi to you along the corridors although they don’t know you.

De-LFG: How different is the American education system from Singapore?

Butt: It’s much, much easier! The myths that claim Asians are better in science and math is true. Though it’s the university level, it’s insanely easy! They don’t push you so much and you get to slack a lot. Hahaha. The education here is not so practical. You don’t have to study just to get money and you can follow your dreams.

De-LFG: What were your struggles in leaving your physical and spiritual family behind in Singapore?

Butt: I really miss my friends and family a lot because there was no one there that I knew. I would not be able to see my 2 younger brothers and my cousins grow up and I was afraid I would lose touch with my spiritual family. Like when I come back, I would be very outdated about the events and things that are happening here.

Butt and her family

De-LFG: How did you cope with it?

Butt: Hmm. I think simple trust. Like you don’t know what to expect and you don’t want to let go of the control over your own life but you just have to take that step of faith and trust that God will help you adapt to the changes and trust that he knows what’s best.

De-LFG: Was it difficult to find a community there?

Butt: Not really. I went for the international orientation before the school term started in the first year and met other missionary kids. They understood how I felt because they also don’t come from America and they come from many kinds of cultures and lifestyles which are so different. But the Americans are very friendly, they took the initiative to talk to us and make friends with us.

De-LFG: Did you manage to find a community that could support you and be with you?

Butt: Currently not attending any church, but everyone around me are Christians so we gather in small groups, something like a cell group and read the word and pray for one another. We share about our lives and get to know many other girls in the same form. They are the people I can turn to whenever I need someone.

De-LFG: How do you spend your leisure time there?

Butt: Because the place is surrounded by lots of cornfields and cows (haha), we spend our leisure time by hanging out with one another, going over to each other’s rooms to watch movies, talk and play games.

De-LFG: Have you managed to visit places away from your school?

Butt: I went Chicago during the fall break because the dorms where closed for the holidays and I had nowhere else to go. We went shopping there and there was this place called Chinatown which made me really happy because finally I get to see, taste, feel and touch Chinese again. hahaha. I got to get away from the countryside and go to the city. It was also a time where I bonded with my other friends.

De-LFG: Since you just returned from the EJ288 retreat, what is one thing God spoke to you during the retreat?

Butt: Philippians 1:6. It’s the verse that God placed upon my heart for the 100K challenge. God used it to encourage me because I was disheartened by the setbacks in US. He told me that he will complete this work he had begun in me.

De-LFG: What is discipleship to you?

Butt: To me, I think it’s not just making converts but following up on them, nurturing them and helping them grow in their walk with God.

De-LFG: How do you think your experience in America will aid you in your journey of discipling others?

Butt: This whole experience changed and matured me a lot. I used to think that Christianity was one thing but I now realize that there are many different beliefs and different ways to worship the Lord. It has widened my perspective a lot.

De-LFG: What is one dream that God has placed upon your heart for this season of your life?

Butt: To revolutionize the worship scene in Taylor (the university she is studying in) and to let them know that there is a different way of worship, not just hymns. There’s more to it.

De-LFG: What motivates your passion for worship?

Butt: It comes naturally. Worship is easier than reading the bible. Worship is just being in the presence of God and it’s a lifestyle. I really love leading people into worship and seeing them worship God and know that it’s really pleasing to the Lord.

Editor’s Note: I’m sure all of us are encouraged by Benita’s life and how God guided her with every step she took despite having so much fear within her. Let’s take some time to pray for our sister here that she will be able to find a community there and that God will use her mightily to touch the lives of the young people in Taylor. As Philippians 1:6 says,” being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”, indeed the Lord is doing a good work in Benita’s life and will see through this whole journey. May she be the light that’s sent forth to shine!

Interviewed by: Terry Lim
Edited by: Clarissa Ng